Coronavirus Blues, As An Apology And Explanation To My Wife For Being Mad About Not Having Anyone Over For Easter. (Except Josiah, Which I Am Thankful For.)

This is stupid. I just want to go out for a brew with my friends. I want to do something other than work and walk and Netflix. I want to get out of these walls.

What, I am not allowed to celebrate the Fundamental Event, the Bedrock and Victory and True Beginning of my religion? I am not allowed to celebrate the Resurrection with even just a single other couple from my church, who is the symbol of the Church?

Who says this? Who forbids me to joy in Joy? Show me that I may defy him, and die in the attempt. Show me the man who imagines that I am subject to him.

But wait—it is not a person who degrades me. It is not even alive. It is a tiny machine that hijacks my body to make more of itself, the thing! Mindless debauchery, without purpose or intent! This disease, this utter tyrant.

Can passions of liberty be nobly felt against a necessity? What talk of freedoms and rights can persuade a virus? We have not taken dominion over Nature, she has taken dominion over us.

So we remain, in idle and quiet quarantine.

What lessons should we learn, and what lessons will we learn—by no means the same question. Will we develop an instinct to OBEY? To comply? Will we forget that this ever happened? Will we feel a renewed sense of life and fellowship, renewed by its lack? Will we feel that our elders are more precious to us? Will we think of death? The hereafter? Will we ponder emergency powers? Will our fear increase? Will our distractions lessen, and will we consider what is truly important to us? Will we deepen our addiction to whatever soothes? Will this unite, will it divide? Will we love more? I don’t know.

And what is my suffering? Is this the suffering of a man or boy? Is it a mere tantrum? “Many people are going through the same thing, and feel just the way you do.” Very true, and many people are children. Can the wise groan deeply, or do they suffer differently?

For instance, my job is not threatened. My family has food. No one I know is sick, though some are preparing to give birth, which might be worse. I am not on the front lines, I am very far in the back. Are my complaints the words of a Christian or just an American? Have I lost my sight? Is it really so bad to celebrate Easter remotely? Indeed… might not the truer celebration consist of distance this time around?

Why does my heart burn with such feeling when I hear the words, “Sic semper tyrannis?” It feels like the wellspring of life, a longed-for duty, a calling. A permission to leave behind the tame, and instead become dangerous. To be not cowed, and to challenge some evil binding thing without restraint, bringing vitality and thriving for all around. Is this not true empowerment? The removal of tyrants?

Alas, at the end of it, the stay-at-home order remains, and I deem it wise. I have read the articles. I defer to the experts. And Jahanna, I love you.