This is a poem that is loosely based on Psalm 51, the psalm David wrote after he was confronted by Nathan about committing adultery with Bathsheba, intentionally causing her husband’s death, and then marrying her. In America, statistics tell us that it is very rare to meet a young man (or increasingly, young woman) who has not, at some point in his life, been addicted to pornography and masturbation. The statistics are about equal inside and outside of the Church. If you fall under that category, I urge you to tell someone you trust. With tears in my eyes as I type this, I tell you that there is truly grace enough to redeem your sin and shame into a powerful work for Christ. A life-changing book that I recommend walking through with two or three other brothers is Sexual Sanity for Men.
To the choirmaster. A psalm of young men, when Christ the Lord went to us, after we became addicted to pornography.
shame and failure
are my bones
i cannot move
i cannot cry
i am empty
staring at nothing
your comforts are ash
your music is death
your happiness is alien
your love is not here
my brothers are daggers
to my spirit
i put them far from me
i cower in blackness
do not draw near
for you are holy
lord why do i try
i am always enticed
i want to be free
i want to be love
but i am enticed
i am enticed
i resolve to stand firm
i resolve and i do not change
i want to be free
i want to be love
but i am enticed
i am enticed
i confess and i weep
i confess and i do not change
i want to be free
i want to be love
but i am enticed
i am enticed
i beg for your life
i beg and i do not change
i want to be free
i want to be love
despair is my home
where are you lord
Jesus smile on me
At the close of day
I will trust in You
I will trust Your promises
Set my heart upright
Bind my soul to You
Restore to me again
The joy of Your salvation
Strengthen Your Church
With the power of Your Spirit
Lift high Your name
Let Your name be praised
Then Your servant will know peace
Then Your child will laugh
Thoughts of a Novice 